I work for a marketing firm and my job is to find creative ways to market underwear and socks to the general populace. The job is fine, I enjoy my work but my co-workers are batshit retarded. They add a thick layer of bullshit to an otherwise easy work week.

Let me illustrate. Two weeks ago Sabrina, the perky head of HR, had a guy fired for “sexual harassment.” He made a comment to a co-worker about Sabrina being a “slut” and somehow it made its way back to her. Now the sweet irony of it all is that Sabrina IS the company slut. The guys upstairs skewer her on a regular basis and because of that her job security is airtight, despite policies against it (inter-office relationships, not gang banging the PR girl, specifically.) Hypocrisy is rampant at our workplace. Unfortunately that’s a consistent theme in most workplaces across North America.

My boss, Frank, is a good guy. Naive, a little bit stupid, but a good guy. A real family man. He keeps a portrait of his family sitting on his desk. A picture of his wife, Claudia, their five spawn and the family dog all sitting on a blanket underneath a big willow tree. It stands at the edge of his desk and greets every guest entering his office. He proudly shows it off to everybody.

Claudia is a fine piece of ass. But she’s a real bitch. She’s in her mid-forties and is probably ten years his junior. Her hair is black and long, her figure slim and she always looks uptight, like she has a stapler stuck up her ass. Once in a while I see her charging around the office and yelling at interns. No one can disagree with her. Frank will always side with her, right or wrong, because she runs him at home and at work.

Everyone is really careful now when it comes to gossip. No one wants to lose their job over something stupid like saying “Erica in Printing is blowing the janitor on her lunch breaks”, even though it’s true at least two days out of the week.

Now I hear talk that Claudia is coming back to the office in a few weeks to provide “consultation services.” That’s how the boss gets her on the payroll from time to time. This is crazy. One office drama just ended. Now I see another one on the horizon.

Fuck.